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Draft Recap: NFC South

Posted on May 9th, 2008
By Rosolio

nfc-south.jpg

Doing this segment, I realized that all of the good teams in football are in, like, three divisions. Every other one in the league is just hanging around. The NFC South might be one of the good ones (first time that’s ever been said and it wasn’t racist. I’m a pioneer).

Atlanta Falcons: Curtis Lofton, MLB, 2nd round. Lofton is the guy they thought Edgerton Hartwell was going to be when they got him a big fat free agent contract. He’s a plugger, the kind of run-stuffer that eats pastrami and gouges eyes in the pile. He’s also got good endurance, which is nice, because the Atlanta D will be on the field for 40 minutes a game.

Carolina Panthers: Jeff Otah, LT, 1st round. Otah wins the Patrick Willis Memorial Award for jumping out at you when you watch the tape. Jake Long is very technically sound and Branden Albert is imposingly large, but Otah destroys people. He lays the kind of blocks down that cause players to quit the game. After Dorsey, Otah might be the biggest steal of the whole thing. He’ll be in Michael Jordan’s golf foursome in no time.

New Orleans Saints: Sedrick Ellis, DT, 1st round. I really don’t know what to say about Ellis, because I think he might be a little overrated. That’s probably because standing next to Glenn Dorsey, a HIND looks overrated. The Saints desperately needed help against the run and needed a big body to make their investment in Jonathan Vilma worth something. Plus, he’s on New Orleans, so he’s a hero and Sean Penn loves him.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Dexter Jackson, WR, 2nd round. He’s a small school guy with a ton of potential. They just need home run hits out of their receivers in Tampa, so Jackson’s weaknesses should be invisible. He also has the same name as the MVP of their Super Bowl in 2002. How did no one mention this?

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Filed under: NFL Draft, Pro Football

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Pearl Looks Ahead to 2025

Posted on May 8th, 2008
By Thorzilla

 

Tennessee basketball coach and media whore Bruce Pearl will not be outdone.

In the wake of Kentucky head coach Billy Gillispie’s scholarship offer to Akron, Ohio 8th grader Michael Avery, Pearl is blazing the recruiting trail to places even Lewis and Clark dare venture. The Vols coach offered 14-month-old power forward Timmy Williams a full scholarship in an early morning press conference.

“Recruiting young is a trend that’s catching on with all the top programs. Tim Floyd (USC) got the ball rolling and Gillispie has taken it to a new level. I’m just trying to stay ahead of the curve,” said Pearl.

Williams caught the eye of the nation’s elite, including Duke, Texas, and UCLA, during an open workout last week. Scouts noted Williams showed incredible shooting technique on his Playskool Shoot N Score hoop as well as uncanny flexibly when the youngster placed his entire foot in his month.

Pearl later commented, “Timmy has grown over 2 inches in the last month. If he keeps this pace up he’ll be at least 7’10” by the time he reaches UT. That’s the post presences we’ve been looking for to take us to the next level.”

Williams was unavailable for comments due naptime, but his mother assured reporters that he was a very, very good boy.

The conference closed on Pearl’s optimistic note. “We’re all excited to see Timmy wear the Orange and White. He is the cornerstone of what looks to be an amazing 2025 recruiting class.”

 

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Filed under: College Basketball

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Talking Photos: Big Balls

Posted on May 8th, 2008 By Whatchu Talkin Bout Photo

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Filed under: Talking Photos, Soccer

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Can we see that flip again?

Posted on May 8th, 2008
By Thorsonette

Sleeping Mets fans were jolted awake last night as they watched their beloved-yet-lately-lethargic team massacre the Dodgers 12-1. Jaws were dropping and heads were being scratched as the Mets found themselves with an honest-to-goodness starter still pitching away in the 8th inning. Ryan Church solidified his reign as current prince of the offense with three hits including another homer, the godliness that is David Wright did not disappoint and drove in two runs, and Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny slipped out the side door before the end of the game after allowing a career-worst 10 runs in 4 2/3 innings.

Could a team plagued by injuries and fatigue finally be coming out of a slump? Are the younger guys finally standing on their own two feet? The subway series is a week away, and the Yankees aren’t looking so hot themselves. A pummeling of that other team from the Bronx might be just what they need to find the fire to turn the season around. Characteristically pessimistic New Yorkers are not quite sure what to do at this point, but after much debate fans have postponed any kind of optimism/pessimism decision until after a few beers and tonight’s game again Cincinnati. Anyone sporting a Beltran jersey has to make the beer run. 

Ryan Church and his princely wave

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Obscure Stat of the Day: The Tall and Short of It

Posted on May 8th, 2008 By Stat of the Day

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The tallest player in MLB history is Jon Rauch of the Washington Nationals at a whopping 6′11″ tall.

That means he stands 3′4″ taller than the 3′7″ Eddie Gaedel, the shortest player of all time.Â

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Answer Man: What Are You?

Posted on May 8th, 2008 By The Answer Man

Chillin'

 

Dear Answer Man,

 

Where the hell have you been?  Hockey goes off for a few days and you split.  What gives?

 

Zaven (St. Louis-MO)

 

Z,

 

Dude, things have been crazy at AMHQ.  It is Mother’s Day Week and Answer Mom has me running all over the place.  More importantly I finally got started on my movie. I’m writing the sequel to “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Sippin’ Your Gin And Juice”.  My movie is called, “Seriously, Don’t Be A Disturbance To North County While Eating Your Pork Rinds”.  The main obstacle I am faced with is the fact that I don’t have 23 siblings to play the different characters like those dastardly Wayans brothers and sister.  I am currently at a stopping point. Will this kill the project?  Nah, Big Rhonda might be able to help.  She apparently knows a lot of dudes and majority of them like to suck her feet.

 

Oh, yeah the playoffs are gearing back up. I’m riding Philly like a jockey on Eight Belles.  Crosby needs to ditch the nasty ‘stache. Hell, Answer Mom’s friend Phyllis has a thicker moustache then he does.  Sheesh! The Western Conference match up may cause me to vomit uncontrollably.  I hate both teams with a serious passion. The only redeeming factor is that Dallas Drake is a Red Wing.  Texas hockey fans suck too by the way.

 

-AM-

Answer-Man@stlouisgametime.com

 

Side Notes- I’m rockin’ the Ducky Boys today.  It is going to be a good day and I found $2 in my pocket this morning!

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Cedric Benson Pepper Sprayed - UPDATE

Posted on May 7th, 2008 By Slats
The Cedric Benson saga has taken on a minor twist as a friend of the Chicago Bears running back has told the Chicago Tribune that Benson did not resist police officers and did not seem intoxicated at the time of his arrest.
 
When asked for a comment, the Lower Colorado River Authority laughed uncontrollably and sent this picture as a direct response to the allegation.
 
Further reports show that while Benson did possess an extreme size and strength advantage over the police officers, he still only managed to gain 1.5 yards.

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